First of all welcome to my page!
I have wrote several blogs over the years…mainly related to travel or food (two massive passions of mine) but up until recently I have really wanted to write about my fitness journey and my relationship with food. Throughout my teenage years and early 20’s I was quite…how can I describe it…cuddly. I was a size 14 on my bottom half and believe it or not, I was so self conscious about my thighs I stopped wearing jeans for nearly 4 years. I have always carried excess weight on my hips and my stomach, but I tried not to let it bother me. I look at photos now and apart from thinking ‘what the hell am I wearing?’ I also see what I didn’t hide very well. My clothes were always baggy and usually plain but I felt it wouldn’t draw attention to me and people wouldn’t notice.
When I moved in with my ex I felt some kind of need to change. I had already lost quite a bit of weight due to personal circumstances, but I felt this would be a good place to start from. I started running…a lot! I would run 2-3 times a week for roughly a mile and a half at a time. And after no time I began to look lean and fit. I felt fantastic. After a few weeks my purpose for wanting to lose weight was changing. My ex began to make me feel extremely self conscious. He would look at photos online of half naked women on a social media website, and I began to feel inadequate and not as good as them. So I was determine to get really fit so I would be the only one he would look at. I suppose most women feel this way in their relationships, but without going in to too much detail it was the timing of when he would look and his pitiful excuses…
As I slimmed down to my lowest weight of 8 stone 5lbs he told me I was looking anorexic, and outwardly told me I had no breasts and he didn’t find me attractive. Scared of him leaving me I would stuff my face with sweet sugar infested desserts on my lunches at work, hoping desperately to put weight back on.
After several heart to hearts I found the courage to leave. I realised way before I left that I no longer loved him and his toxic mind control games. I knew it was the right decision because I couldn’t give a s**t and (it may sound strange) I ate very well over the next few weeks. I felt free! I went to some gym sessions with my dad’s partner who was a personal trainer and I wasn’t afraid to make something of myself.
I met Dan at work at my lowest weight but to him it doesn’t matter what I weigh. Which is just as well because after several months of eating out in restaurants and snacking…I no longer weighed 8 stone 5lbs. But to be fair we have both loved and not regretted anything. We spent a few nights in the Lakes and feasted on seafood pasta and steak with several glasses of wine every night. But until very recently we have both decided we want to change the way we eat and the way we look.
This blog is really a documentation of my journey to be fitter in 2015…and beyond…